Is It OK to Be a Jerk When You're Right?

First, let me say that jerks suck. You should never go out of your way to be a jerk, however, sometimes when you are in the right, and you’re dealing with a scammer, you may be perceived as a jerk. See, a jerk doesn’t care about others, just themselves. But with that, having the mentality of a jerk can come in handy when making sure you’re not being taken advantage of.

I mean it’s one thing to make your case, but it’s another to stand your ground, plant your flag, and argue your side until justice is served. To this, when sticking up for yourself properly, and you’re in the right (two clear points), who really cares how the other person views you? So, let’s not annoy too many people while proving a point with my top three quick and dirty tips on how to be a proper jerk:

Tip #1: Personal Property

Literally two hours before I wrote this article, a United States Postal Service (USPS) truck backed up into my kids' brand new basketball net and bent the pole in two, essentially ruining it. This basketball hoop (pictured) was purchased in late April for “not cheap” and professionally installed: digging the foundation, pouring cement, constructing the hoop, etc., just last weekend. However, I guess a large, ten-foot structure, with 60” backboard and bright orange rim wasn’t enough for the USPS driver to see as point in which to stop. Also, my driveway can easily fit several cars, let alone one lonely USPS truck. Long story short when the USPS officer came back to my house (the driver hit the hoop, then left without telling us and then told their boss), needless to say I wasn’t too thrilled with their “less than generous” concern for my property.  I understand this isjust a basketball net (new or old) but the point is, the manager got very annoyed with me when I told her that (in her words) “several weeks minimum” to fix the hoop, was not acceptable. I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m a jerk … and frankly I don’t care.

Now, let me point out a key factor here; I did not raise my voice (although it’s justifiable), curse (which is uncalled for but I felt it), or claim anything so bizarre that would warrant her to get mad at me. She admitted they did it, she acknowledged they left the scene but when they said that there would be “a lot of paper work” with “several weeks before it could be fixed,” I stopped being Mr. Nice Guy. Instead I went into Mr. You Destroyed My Property Now Fix It, with a calm tone and outlined the facts. When someone damages your property and it’s clearly their fault it’s improper for them to do whatever possible to get out of fixing it. She may not have said it but my firmness on the grounds of their incompetence surely made her think I was a jerk… however she’s wrong – I’m a mannerly jerk. I’m right, they’re wrong and you can’t allow people to work the system to avoid responsibility when it comes to your property.

Tip #2: Relationship Jerks

“That JERK!” said every single person who has been dumped. Guy or girl, whenever someone is told it’s not going to work anymore, the other person can sometimes identify the dumper as a jerk. In the cases of love gone wrong, it’s improper to flip out on the person who just dragged your heart across the coals. When someone does you wrong, it’s hard to hold back. I’ve been there and I get it. You’ll want to scream and shout, but when you’re faced with a broken heart, you have to use a proper sense of restraint and if need be try being a proper jerk. Even though the real jerk is the person who either cheated on you, lied or grossly misrepresented themselves you have to look at it from a different angle. This is first and foremost. However, when someone crosses the line of good behavior, they’ll likely be too shallow to see their faults. Therefore, they view your behavior as jerkish.

Take Beth who said that she kicked her boyfriend out of their house (which she owned) for cheating on her with a coworker at her office. Classy, right? Well, after Beth found out she didn’t rip into him the way she should have. Instead, she packed up his stuff, left it on the curb, changed the locks, and called it a day. She didn’t answer his calls or texts. As well, when her friends and his friends asked what happened, she was honest and told them of his cheating. In turn, her boyfriend thought she was being a jerk… but was she? I mean, he was in the wrong and she properly handled the sticky situation with poise by ending it and moving on. Tough luck if he can’t handle the bed he made for himself.  After all, she had nothing to apologize for and was in the right to kick him to the curb. Jerk or not, it was a heck of a lot better than stooping to his level.

Tip #3: Social Media

Social media is a whacky beast. On one side it’s the single greatest way to communicate with people across the globe and then, it’s also the world’s biggest breeding ground for unmannerly behavior. With that, you’ll see tons of people acting like Grade A jerks to boost their egos and make a “statement” with a tweet or two. In fact, I even covered this topic in the past, as well as in Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career, under the idea of keyboard muscles. Keyboard muscles are when people get behind a keyboard and act bigger and badder than they really are. Even though social media jerks are obnoxious, there are ways to hit home a point on social media and not come off and completely ignorant. It’s called trolling.

I’ll touch on this topic again but when you can properly troll someone via social media and not come off as a raving lunatic, you can use your intelligence to send a viral zinger to your foe. In fact, when you troll someone with facts and humor, that isn’t rude or mean, you can land a point that is needed to be said and the world will hear your views. However, the recipient of the social media trolling may call you a jerk. Yet, if you’re arguing with someone (and I hate arguing, but…) on social media and you don’t go lowbrow with vulgarity, instead use fact it’s makes a serious case for you. So even if the person on the other end may hate your guts and wish you ill will, if your way of proving a point is in a mature debate fashion, then it’s hard to fault someone’s voice of reason.

As always, if you have another manners question, I look forward to hearing from you at manners@quickanddirtytips.com. Follow me on Twitter @MannersQDT, and of course, check back next week for more Modern Manners Guy tips for a more polite life.

Do you have any recent graduates in your circle, or perhaps someone who is looking to start a new career, check out my new book, Reply All…And Other Ways to Tank Your Career for great tips and advice on job success. It's available now!